When You’re Always Walking on Eggshells: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
You know that feeling in your stomach when your phone lights up with their name?
That little jolt of adrenaline. The quick scan: Are they mad? Did I do something wrong? Then comes the mental gymnastics. Should I wait to respond? How do I say this without setting them off?
This is what it feels like to live in survival mode around someone who’s emotionally manipulative. Whether it’s a partner, parent, friend, or boss, narcissistic abuse leaves a mark that’s deeper than most people understand.
It’s Not Just in Your Head
When you’re constantly walking on eggshells, your nervous system learns to anticipate danger, even when there’s none in sight. You stay hyper-aware of tone, facial expressions, moods. You edit yourself. You apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong. You start to believe maybe it really is you.
That’s not weakness. That’s conditioning.
And it’s what trauma bonding can look like.
What Is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding happens when abuse is mixed with intermittent rewards; moments of warmth, charm, affection, or apologies that confuse your brain and keep you hooked.
One minute, they’re accusing you of being too sensitive or selfish. The next, they’re telling you how much they love you. That emotional whiplash creates a chemical rollercoaster of cortisol and dopamine. And your brain starts craving the highs, even while fearing the lows.
It’s not about logic, it’s about survival.
And untangling from it takes time.
A Real-Life Example
Let’s say you're in a relationship with someone who constantly puts you down in subtle ways; comments on your appearance, interrupts your thoughts, makes jokes that leave you feeling humiliated. But then, the next day, they surprise you with a thoughtful gift or act like nothing ever happened.
You tell yourself, They’re just stressed, or They’re not all bad, or Maybe I’m overreacting.
But that tight feeling in your chest? The way you replay conversations at night? That’s your nervous system waving a red flag.
So What Do We Do?
Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about calling them out. It’s about calling yourself back in.
In therapy, we slow everything down. We name what’s happening. We learn what it feels like to be safe again. That means:
Learning to trust your gut again (because you’re not crazy)
Understanding the trauma bond, and how it formed
Releasing the habit of walking on eggshells, and replacing it with boundaries that honor you
Sometimes this healing happens while you're still in the relationship. Sometimes it starts after you leave. There's no one-size-fits-all timeline. But the first step is recognizing that this isn’t your fault, and you don’t have to stay stuck in it.
Final Thoughts
If reading this feels familiar, I want you to know this: You’re not dramatic. You’re not too much. You’re not broken.
You’ve learned how to survive in a relationship that required you to shrink.
Now, you get to learn how to expand.
You get to heal.
